In this article we are going to talk about the How do I choose my future partner? Do you often find yourself being paranoid over having to choose a life partner? Well certainly you are the only one. While choosing your life partner is not an option many people as they get married though arrange marriages people who get to choose their own partner definitely too must have found themselves wondering at one point of life “what if I end up with a bad life partner?” and it is a totally valid point.
How do I choose my future partner?
Marriages are a lifelong partnership between two people. In India it is counted as a holy and auspicious bond too. But is choosing your life partner actually an easy task? Well not to burst your bubble but it gets hard to find someone who is perfect for you. Marriages are a serious affair one cannot just ‘hope’ to end up with a good partner. It requires a proper process to decide what is right for you. Even in the process of arrange marriages people find eligible people they think might make a good pair with you.
In love-marriages you get to decide and have a little freedom too for the selection of your life partner. But the question still stands the same, is a way I can judge what is right for me? Well there are ways that will help you in the process of finding the one for you. Below listed are few ways by which you can choose your life partner: –
1. Make sure you have some common grounds
One does not wish to have nothing in common with their life partner. If you two are planning to spend your entire lives together with no similarities it will not be ideal. Now, this does not mean you should have everything in common; it is a rare case when you two are exact same personalities but even if you are not one of those people, it is necessary to have something in common. Imagine you two wanting to hold a conversation but have nothing to talk about in common. It is going to get immensely awkward after a while and will lead to boring marriage.
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2. Talk to them prior instead of getting married quickly
It is not at all a bad thing to think you have found the one within few meets with them only. But if we get a reality check it would not be possible to get to know someone this quick. It is a long process to finally understand a part of their personality. And if you hurry this process you might end up with someone who is exactly the opposite of what you thought they are talk, go out and spend time with each other focus on the things they do or say. See if your vibes match while being together before jumping into conclusions and getting married fast enough.
3. Check compatibility and level of comfortability
Compatibility should not be expected to be 100% and all perfect, no one is completely perfect nor your ideal relationship should be a perfect one. Do not go after perfectness understand everyone has few weak points and hoping to find a perfect partner is just as bad as people who think they are perfect or the best. Your relationship should have arguments and few bumps just like everyone, they are common and normal. Also make sure you are on a good comfort level with them. Two of you are planning to get married off course a good comfort level is expected. Being comfortable with each other also opens a gate to healthy and good marriage.
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4. Find out about their family history a bit
This does not mean you completely stalk them up and down but would you really spend your lives together when you do not know their family or background well? Not to be confused with judging them for their past but getting informed about history is good. No one wishes to find out their new family has a shady and dark past which could scare you too or they are hiding something big from you. Find little things and take a check if they make sense.
5. Get to know their past relationships
Question them about their preferences and if they already like someone else. Finding out later about how you do not meet their standard is disheartening so ask them about their preferences and choices. Also ask them directly if they like someone else or wish to marry another person. If they are being forced into the marriage obviously it would not mean something special for them and they will end up being distant with you lifelong which are disappointing for you and them equally.
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6. Do not expect them to mold into in to your likings
As mentioned above, no one is perfect and an ideal relationship should have bumps. Likewise finding a 100% perfect partner is unrealistic. Even if you find someone with whom you have a lot in common and enjoy being together but their little things either annoy you or do not fit in to your preferences it would be a mistake on your part and little narcissistic too. Continuously telling them to behave or do things in a certain way is not acceptable. Also do not push them to be a perfect person for you, imagining they would change themselves for you and still continue to do so in future should not be a case lead by you. If they do not wish to change specific things about them do not ask or except them to push their limits.
7. Make sure they accept your flaws too
If you put in your best but somehow it is disappointing for them in the end and you end up getting feeling bad, do not settle for them. You deserve someone who equally accepts you the way you are like the way you should too. Constant nagging or complaining is toxic behavior that should be gotten ridden off. If they make you feel bad for the way you are and point out your flaws frequently, the marriage with them is not going to be a happy one and will include many breakdowns for you leading to an unhappy marriage. Your self-respect is utterly important and not something to be compromised with thus, ending up in a serious relation like marriage should not be a priority for you.
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8. Do not ignore red flags
If they talk to you only when they are bored, yell on you in public, disrespect you in general or have demoralized you often. Showcases their toxicity not only these pointers but there are various types of red flags like manipulation for example if you often find yourself changing something in you for them or they make you change something in you so they feel good is unnecessary. You are a human being with an individual personality and identity you should be not changing yourself or buttering someone else’s ego to cater their needs. If you find yourself in similar positions do not give in for them.
Do not be the person who thinks people can outgrow their red flags with time and improve. It is not true nor you can change someone or help them leave their toxic behavior behind and if you end up trying this there is a chance you will be the one getting hurt so, do not give someone a chance like this.
9. Trust factors between you two
Like understanding trust is an important part of any relationship. Trust worthy partners are a necessity for any healthy relationship. No one would prefer to spend their entire life wondering or hoping their partner is not cheating or lying to them and in stable marriages it should also not be a factor of your worry. As it is your duty too to win over their trust if you fail to be trust worthy for them and mess up you are to be blamed. Make sure you both trust each other enough to not be possessive to an extreme level where you both develop trust issues in marriage.
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10. Be emotionally connected with each other
Marriage alone cannot just run on materialistic things. You both should have an emotional bonding which is full of expressive behavior and no judging. Emotions are a big part of our life and most people do not let them out in front of everyone either but someone you should freely talk about your emotions and feelings is your life partner and this quality should be evident in starting only. Are you both equally open and frank with each other where you can talk about anything knowing the other person is not going to shame or judge you for it? Emotion play an important part while choosing a life partner which is justified as you should marry someone who can express themselves in front of you comfortably.